Birth Control Glasses. While no longer issued, they were the ugliest glasses imaginable that were standard issue and pretty much guaranteed that if you had poor eyesight, you weren’t getting laid.

I hooked up with a couple of girls in community college but ever since I’ve had to wear these BCGs, I haven’t even had a woman look at me without her appearing to immediately want to vomit on my face so she wouldn’t have to look at me anymore.