Trump Has New Plan to Defeat North Korea

President Trump, North Korea, conflict resolution, satire, military, humor

Image courtesy of CNN

Washington, D.CPresident Trump has hatched a new plan after meeting with his top advisors about how to handle the current escalating situation with North Korea. Tensions between the two leaders have been steadily increasing over the past few months as North Korea continues to defy sanction and tests its long-range missile capabilities.

Since Trump has been in office he has had to deal with a multitude of global issues but none more threatening than Kim Jong Un and the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea (DPRK). Un has been extremely defiant in his stance on North Korea and their weapons capabilities. The world hasn’t been this close to the brink of nuclear war since the Bay of Pigs incident and following tensions between the U.S. and Russia in the 1980’s. Since the end of the Cold War, no nuclear threat has been more prevalent than it currently is with N. Korea.

President Trump met with SecDef Mattis and the joint chiefs to discuss a strategy to defeat Un without risking the lives of Americans. “This past weekend, I met with Secretary Mattis and the joint chiefs to find a way to end this tension with North Korea. We studied several strategies and reviewed footage of previous engagements. I learn a lot by watching T.V. though. I mean, T.V. is Trump. So I was able to find a video of how Kim Jong Un’s father was defeated. I will be calling into action, Team America World Police, to handle this as they did in 2004. President Bush was a smart president. He let Team America handle it then and that’s what I’m going to do now.”

President Trump watching how Team America defeated North Korea in 2004

“We cannot let up on our campaign to end ISIS in the middle east. Our soldiers and Marines are too valuable at their present jobs to pull them away to deal with N. Korea.” When asked about this move, Secretary of Defense, Jim Mattis explained the military side of the future operation. “I don’t think he understands that was a movie and those were puppets. I mean, we explained to him all weekend that was not real but he insisted it was ‘actual proof’. Even after 10 straight showings of the movie in the White House theater, he was convinced. So now we have to make up a “Team America” to please the president. I’m not even sure what in the actual fuck is going on here anymore.”

President Trump said the details of the operations by Team America will not be released to the public as it is sensitive material.

Written By: Jesse James

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