“What about my fuckin’ pocket pussy!?”– LCpl Kelly, the senior shitbag
Every man joins for his own reasons. Some men feel a desire to do their duty and protect their nation. Some men wish only to make their family proud. Some men join to win the respect of their peers. Some men only enlist for the G.I. Bill, and others sign away their lives on that dotted line for little more than the desperate dream of finally getting laid.
But, in the end, it doesn’t really matter why they join. When the bullets are whistling by and the cards are down, every man’s original reason goes straight down the shitter and, from deep down in their belly, the one overpowering and all-encompassing truth consumes them. At that moment, they are all driven furiously forward by the same singular motivation. Every man will fight, kill, and die to protect each and every one of the brothers that surround him…
Except for that one boot who keeps getting 96’s canked for everyone. Fuck that kid.
Team BAMF is the story of a Marine fireteam deployed to southern Afghanistan during the height of OEF. For those that don’t know (nerds and POGs), a Fireteam is made up of four junior Marines and is the smallest autonomous unit in a Marine rifle platoon. Fireteams are oftentimes considered to be a lot like a family. In this case, a violent, alcoholic, trailer trash family that has a penchant to shoot first and ask questions later as well as a genetic predisposition for mental instability, bestiality, and murder.
From the guys that brought you Two Marines, One Cup and Chundle My Grundle 69 comes the incredible, not-so-true story of a Marine fireteam deployed to Afghanistan. These four junior enlisted Marines – LCpl Smith, the demotivated leader; LCpl Kelly, the senior shitbag; PFC Brown, the perverted meathead; and Pvt Taters, the archetypal boot – must utilize their weapons as well as their wits in order to overcome a seemingly endless series of green-weenie-shaped obstacles. From rapey HVTs to the mystery of who pooped in the LTs rack, this fireteam must learn to work together in order to make it through the next seven months. Who will live? Who will die? Who will sit on post and get high?
New episodes of the series drop every Wednesday at 9pm ET. Here’s the schedule:
Episode 1: May 15, 2019
Episode 2: May 22, 2019
Episode 3: May 29, 2019
Episode 4: June 5, 2019
Episode 5: June 12, 2019
Episode 6: June 19, 2019
LCpl Smith: The Demotivated Leader
Three years in, one left to go. Some call him a field Marine, others claim he’s the epitome of wasted potential. As far as he’s concerned, he just wants to do his time, get in a few good fights, and get the fuck out.
LCpl Kelly: The Senior Shitbag
Kelly’s about as clever as he is lazy. He probably should’ve signed up to be a waterdog, but then again, he still would have bitched just as much. On weekends, you can usually find him hanging out at cheap hotels in Jacksonville, smoking spice, and listening to some band you’ve never heard of.
PFC Brown: The Perverted Meathead
Nobody really knows too much about Brown’s past other than that he wore a helmet as a kid and he’s definitely an ASVAB waiver.
Pvt Taters: Archetypal Boot
As boot as boot gets. 18, stripper wife, V6 Mustang, 2nd class PFT, and a permanent address in Fuckup City, Taters is probably the most relatable character for most of y’all reading this. Every team needs a Taters like every hooker needs a herpe. He just… you know, completes the picture.
“If you don’t watch Team BAMF, then fuck you.”– LCpl Smith trying to be like his idol, the legend Ricky Bobby.