O.J. Simpson Takes Position as MCMAP Advisor

OJ Simpson, Marine, Satire, Humor

Washington, D.C.– Just one day after O.J. Simpson received the news he was granted parole, the Marine Corps offered Mr. Simpson a position as an independent advisor for the Marine Corps Martial Arts Program (MCMAP). Due to the fact that Mr. Simpson is a convicted felon, he is unable to work directly for the government but that hasn’t stopped Washington from finding a loophole to bring on one of the world’s foremost experts in hand-to-hand combat.

For people who don’t know, Mr. Simpson was acquitted on the charge of murdering his estranged wife and her friend back in 1994. Since being acquitted, O.J. has stayed relatively out of the spotlight. Except for writing a book called “If I did it”, which basically blueprints exactly how he did it, O.J. was found guilty of armed robbery and kidnapping and was sentenced to 33 years in the Nevada Dept. of Corrections. In that time is where he honed his fighting skills.

While incarcerated, O.J. came off as a model inmate. The guards found him very charming and respectful. But what they don’t know is that he ran a secret hand-to-hand combat instruction course. During his time on the inside, he was never disciplined, which goes to show his lethalness and stealth. O.J. became known as the “flesh-blade”. It’s reported that his hands were as lethal as actual knives. One inmate said he was “cutting off inmate’s ears with one swift knife hand motion and eating them.” When questioned and investigated, correctional officers could never find any evidence or place him at the scene. Simpson would stay up late nights and master his craft. He worked tirelessly to make sure that he was the best. During this time, the Marine Corps caught wind of Simpson’s exploits and sent in a mole to see if the rumors were true. They sent in an admin lance corporal and arranged it so that he would be housed in the same cell as Simpson. The Marine Corps would not release the name of the young Marine but Vet Tv was able to get Inmate records on a “John Smith” who was listed as a former Marine and was serving time for running a gay brothel in Laughlin, NV in November of 2015 out of a hotel where Marines were coincidentally celebrating the birthday of the Marine Corps.

While the terms of Simpson’s release have not been released, the Nevada Dept. of Corrections have confirmed that Simpson will be taking on news interviews and jobs to continue to pay his restitution. Headquarters Marine Corps have confirmed they have reached out to Mr. Simpson regarding his skills and are expected to make the official announcement any day now. Mr. Simpson will work closely with MCMAP instructors as an “independent contractor” which allows convicted felons to take advisor roles with high security clearance jobs. While the motto of MCMAP is “One Mind, Any Weapon”, Simpson will focus his efforts on training Marines on the art of hand-to-hand combat. “It’s my way of giving back to the men and women who serve this great country” explained Simpson. Simpson will be implementing his own system of fighting he calls “MCSTAB”. It’s worth noting that when our reporter asked what that meant, Simpson just stared at him and said “don’t worry about it.” He did not press the issue any further.

Simpson is expected to start his consulting in the spring of 2018

Written By: Jesse James

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