Larry Povich: You are NOT the Father

Larry Povich: You are NOT the Father 


     INT. STUDIO FLOOR - DAY

     We fade into M.O.S clips of Trina, Eddie and Larry speaking
     in various ranges of emotion. We hear Larry's voice over the
     clips describing today's episode.

                          LARRY (O.S.)
               The results are in!
                    (beat)
               On today's show we'll meet Trina, a
               former dancer and bar girl from the
               Philipines who met a US Navy sailor
               who on his deployment to the
               Philippines met a young bar girl...
               who he supposedly knocked up. After
               more than a decade of raising the
               child by herself, she will confront
               the father, for the very first
               time.

     We push in to LARRY M, Mid 50's, Any Ethnicity sitting on a
     chair wearing slacks and a polo.

                          LARRY  (CONT’D)
               Hello Ladies and Gentlemen, and
               welcome to todays show.

     We hear applause and excitement from the audience.

                          LARRY (CONT’D)
               Our first guest is the mother of a
               beautiful 10 year old boy. Please
               help me welcome Trina out to the
               stage.

     TRINA F, Mid 30's, Philippina dressed with upscale attire.
     The audience claps as she makes her way over to the couch,
     Larry and her shake hands.

                          LARRY (CONT’D)
               Welcome to the show Trina, nice to
               have you.

                          TRINA
               Thank you Larry.

                          LARRY
               Now I want everyone to look at
               Trina's lovely son Chate.

     The camera turns to the monitor were we see CHATE M, 10,
     Looks like Donny if he was 10 and half Philippine.

                          LARRY (CONT’D)
               Now that beautiful child is in the
               middle of a bitter paternity
               battle!

     The audience reacts.

                          LARRY (CONT’D)
               Because Trina's ex-boyfriend Eddie
               is completely denying that he's the
               father. Over the course of 3 months
               Trina and Eddie had sex over 60
               times, and most of them without
               protection.
                    (Turns to face her)
               So Trina, tell us how you met
               Eddie.

     Audience reacts and boo's.

                           TRINA
               Yeah Larry, I met Eddie at the club
               were I was working. We talk for all
               night and I really like him, and I
               thought he like me. So we dated for
               2 months.

                          LARRY
               Wow, that's a long time for a
               sailor.

                          TRINA
               I know, they were stationed there
               for a long time. After a month he
               said he wanted to marry me, Larry.

                          LARRY
               Wow, and did you accept?

                          TRINA
               Of course. I was poor and I thought
               I meet the American man of my
               dreams.

                          LARRY
               Wow, so he dated you, had sex with
               you, then asked you to marry him.
               And then what?

                          TRINA
               Then he stop talking to me. Delete
               me from facebook, no email,
               nothing.
               

     Audience reacts with "AWW"

                          LARRY
               Now lets see what Eddie has to say
               about this.

     Larry points to the monitor and its a pre recorded video clip
     of EDDIE M, Late 30's, Any Ethnicity wearing generic clothes
     you only find at wallmart. He's talking to the camera acting
     hard.

                          EDDIE
               Hey Larry! Trina's a hoe! That
               ain't my muthafuckin baby. Trina
               always be lyin, she banged two of
               my boys in Subic Bay. She not only
               let em hit it raw, she let bust up
               in er'. That's just nasty! This
               baby's probably got ten different
               daddy's, and I ain't one of em. I
               only said I'll marry her so I can
               put it in her butt...
                    (beat)
               and I did!

     We can hear the Audience booing in the background. Trina gets
     upset and shakes her head in disgust.

                          TRINA
               Not true Larry, not true!

     Eddie back on the monitor.

                          EDDIE
               When this test show's how big of a
               liar you are I want you on the next
               boat back to the Phillipines, and I
               never wanna see you again!

     The camera comes back on Larry.

                          LARRY
               Ladies and gentlemen, Please help
               me welcome Eddie to the stage.

     Eddie walks down and gets boo'd by the audience, he eggs the
     audience on. He disses Trina, gives Larry a hug, then sits.

                          TRINA
               Oh, I'm a hoe huh? You weren't
               saying that after you'd beg me to
               let you eat my asshole huh?

                          EDDIE
               Bitch please, that was one time
               girl! Come on! Everybody do that.

                          LARRY
               So Eddie, tell us your side of the
               story.

                          EDDIE
               First off Larry, dat bitch is lyin
               through her loose asshole. Okay,
               she's a HOE Larry. Lemme spell that
               for ya'll. H, O, E! HOE! As in
               like, she fucks dudes for cash. Did
               she tell you that Larry?

                          LARRY
               Trina, is this true?

                          EDDIE
               LIE AGAIN HOE! LIE, GO AHEAD!

                          TRINA
               Well, that was like one time Larry,
               everybody does that in the
               Phillipines, we poor country Larry.
               We have to do what we can to
               survive.

                          EDDIE
               Oh for real, so you's a hoe just
               one time?

                          TRINA
               Larry don' listen to him. He lies.

                          LARRY
               Well, that was a curveball I don't
               think any of us were ready for.
               Eddie, continue.

                          EDDIE
               So yeah man, I was a dumb boot on
               my first pump. I was just tryin to
               get my muthafuckin dick wet at the
               clubs you feel me?
                    (beat)
               So I come up on her, and she was
               lookin good back then, she wasn't
               all beat up like she is now, and
               she was fuckin every dude that
               walked back from the ATM.

                          LARRY
               Trina? Is this true?

                          TRINA
               Not true Larry, once Eddie told me
               he would marry me, I stopped
               dancing-

                          EDDIE
               BITCH YOU CANT DANCE! You dance
               like a drunk baby giraffe, please!

                          LARRY
               Eddie, let her finish.

                          TRINA
               Larry he took me out ebery night
               for two months. So I stopped
               dancing and sang Karaoke by the
               juice truck instead.

                          LARRY
               Eddie is this true?

                          EDDIE
               Yeah man, I took her out like 5
               times, max, Just so I could hit it
               on the reg. Beat it up too.

                          LARRY
               Trina?

                          TRINA
               Ok, if you only want to beat it,
               then why you buy me presents?

                          EDDIE
               Man i didn't buy you shit.

                          TRINA
               Oh really? What about this apple
               iPad? You remember this?

     Trina flashes an apple iPad.

                          LARRY
               Eddie?

                          TRINA
               What about this ring Eddie? You
               remember cuddle with me every
               night? You remember tell me you
               love me? You remember you say you
               going to go UA? Huh Eddie?

     The crowd goes wild!

                          LARRY
               Eddie?

                          EDDIE
               Ok, so I fell for a hoe Larry!
               Every boot catches feelings every
               now and then! Come on man! Ya'll
               act like ya'll ain't neva caught
               feelins' fa nobody man.

                          LARRY
               Wow, yet another twist in the saga
               of Eddie and Trina! This is
               unfolding into a wild love story.
               We'll be right back after a quick
               commercial break.

     Commercial Break.

     INT. STUDIO FLOOR - DAY

                          LARRY (CONT’D)
               And we're back. As we learned
               before the break, Trina was
               actually a prostitute in the
               Phillipines, when Eddie, a US Navy
               sailor on deployment, fell in love
               with Trina, and potentially
               impregnated her. So Eddie, if baby
               Chate is in fact your son, are you
               willing to step up and be father to
               the child.

                          EDDIE
               Well i dont even know why we talkin
               bout this Larry cuz that int my
               uthafuckin kid, by if that IS my
               kid, which, it aint, because-

                          TRINA
               That IS your kid Eddie! He look
               just like you! He like video games,
               fidget spinners and Ed Sheeran,
               he's your son Eddie. You owe me
               thousands in child support too, I
               want my money Eddie.

                          EDDIE
               -AHA! see, hoes always be askin fa
               money. YOU A HOE! My boys busted up
               in you! But, like I was sayin
               before the HOE interrupted me, IF
               it IS my muthafuckin kid, which it
               aint, then yeah man, I mean, I'mma
               do what I gotta do. Yeah man.

                          LARRY
               Ok, well let's get a picture of
               that beautiful boy on the screen,
               and maybe make a better assessment.

     The picture of a 10 year old boy that looks like a half
     Phillipino version of Eddie as a child goes up on the screen
     and Eddie takes a moment to entertain the thought of Chate
     being his son. It finally hits him, and he becomes ecstatic
     at the thought of bein a father.

                          EDDIE
               Oh hell na. For real? Na. But,
               damn. That's my muthafuckin kid
               Larry. Ohhh shit. That's my
               muthafuckin kid! Larry! Trina, damn
               girl, see I told you girl You was,
               shiiit. Thats my boy! We a family
               now girl! We a family! Its just you
               and me girl!

                          LARRY
               Well congratulations Eddie, im glad
               you enjoy the idea. And do you have
               the financial means to father a 10
               year old child?

                          EDDIE
               Well, it's funny you say that
               larry, cuz lately man, times been
               tough, Im been goin through some
               hard times Larry. As you know, the
               Economny aint been to good and
               shit.

                          LARRY
               Do you have a job Eddie?

                          EDDIE
               Well, yeah, I mean, nah, but like I
               been makin youtube videos and they
               startin to get big Larry, like
               2,500 views, I'm bout to monetize
               that shit. Get some youtube ads in
               there you feel me?

                          LARRY
               So, do you have an employer?

                          EDDIE
               Well, I'm my own boss Larry. But, I
               mean, I been collectin unemployment
               fa just a couple, like 1, na, bout
               2 years now. So, you know, I mean,
               that's why we got family. You know,
               sometimes you gotta lean on yo
               family when times is tough. Right
               Trina?

     Trina is unamused and confused. The audience is booing the
     hell out of them.

                          LARRY
               Well, lets find out for once and
               all, who's the father of baby
               Chate. The results are in! Eddie,
               when it comes to babe Chate Pangao,
               you ARE the father!

     Eddie jumps up and dances all over the stage with joy. Trina
     shakes her head. Eddie hugs Trina, she pushes him away. Trina
     expresses discontent.

                          TRINA
               Larry, are these tests even
               accurate? I don't know if I believe
               this. Maybe we should do another
               test to be sure.

     Trina storms off stage.

                          EDDIE
               Na, we good, we don't need to waste
               money on that shit girl. Plus, I
               gotta move out a public housing
               next week. So we gotta get this
               shit goin girl.

                          LARRY
               Ladies and gentlemen this has been
               a show full of surprises, tune in
               next week when we'll have a former
               Marine Colonel accuse the Marine
               Corps' first transgender drill
               instructor, of sexual assault. More
               on that story next week. Thank you
               for watching, and good night.

     Eddie keeps hugging Larry and shouting out to the crowd.

     FADE OUT

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