Larry Povich: You are NOT the Father

Larry Povich: You are NOT the Father 


     We fade into M.O.S clips of Trina, Eddie and Larry speaking
     in various ranges of emotion. We hear Larry's voice over the
     clips describing today's episode.

                          LARRY (O.S.)
               The results are in!
               On today's show we'll meet Trina, a
               former dancer and bar girl from the
               Philipines who met a US Navy sailor
               who on his deployment to the
               Philippines met a young bar girl...
               who he supposedly knocked up. After
               more than a decade of raising the
               child by herself, she will confront
               the father, for the very first

     We push in to LARRY M, Mid 50's, Any Ethnicity sitting on a
     chair wearing slacks and a polo.

                          LARRY  (CONT’D)
               Hello Ladies and Gentlemen, and
               welcome to todays show.

     We hear applause and excitement from the audience.

                          LARRY (CONT’D)
               Our first guest is the mother of a
               beautiful 10 year old boy. Please
               help me welcome Trina out to the

     TRINA F, Mid 30's, Philippina dressed with upscale attire.
     The audience claps as she makes her way over to the couch,
     Larry and her shake hands.

                          LARRY (CONT’D)
               Welcome to the show Trina, nice to
               have you.

               Thank you Larry.

               Now I want everyone to look at
               Trina's lovely son Chate.

     The camera turns to the monitor were we see CHATE M, 10,
     Looks like Donny if he was 10 and half Philippine.

                          LARRY (CONT’D)
               Now that beautiful child is in the
               middle of a bitter paternity

     The audience reacts.

                          LARRY (CONT’D)
               Because Trina's ex-boyfriend Eddie
               is completely denying that he's the
               father. Over the course of 3 months
               Trina and Eddie had sex over 60
               times, and most of them without
                    (Turns to face her)
               So Trina, tell us how you met

     Audience reacts and boo's.

               Yeah Larry, I met Eddie at the club
               were I was working. We talk for all
               night and I really like him, and I
               thought he like me. So we dated for
               2 months.

               Wow, that's a long time for a

               I know, they were stationed there
               for a long time. After a month he
               said he wanted to marry me, Larry.

               Wow, and did you accept?

               Of course. I was poor and I thought
               I meet the American man of my

               Wow, so he dated you, had sex with
               you, then asked you to marry him.
               And then what?

               Then he stop talking to me. Delete
               me from facebook, no email,

     Audience reacts with "AWW"

               Now lets see what Eddie has to say
               about this.

     Larry points to the monitor and its a pre recorded video clip
     of EDDIE M, Late 30's, Any Ethnicity wearing generic clothes
     you only find at wallmart. He's talking to the camera acting

               Hey Larry! Trina's a hoe! That
               ain't my muthafuckin baby. Trina
               always be lyin, she banged two of
               my boys in Subic Bay. She not only
               let em hit it raw, she let bust up
               in er'. That's just nasty! This
               baby's probably got ten different
               daddy's, and I ain't one of em. I
               only said I'll marry her so I can
               put it in her butt...
               and I did!

     We can hear the Audience booing in the background. Trina gets
     upset and shakes her head in disgust.

               Not true Larry, not true!

     Eddie back on the monitor.

               When this test show's how big of a
               liar you are I want you on the next
               boat back to the Phillipines, and I
               never wanna see you again!

     The camera comes back on Larry.

               Ladies and gentlemen, Please help
               me welcome Eddie to the stage.

     Eddie walks down and gets boo'd by the audience, he eggs the
     audience on. He disses Trina, gives Larry a hug, then sits.

               Oh, I'm a hoe huh? You weren't
               saying that after you'd beg me to
               let you eat my asshole huh?

               Bitch please, that was one time
               girl! Come on! Everybody do that.

               So Eddie, tell us your side of the

               First off Larry, dat bitch is lyin
               through her loose asshole. Okay,
               she's a HOE Larry. Lemme spell that
               for ya'll. H, O, E! HOE! As in
               like, she fucks dudes for cash. Did
               she tell you that Larry?

               Trina, is this true?

               LIE AGAIN HOE! LIE, GO AHEAD!

               Well, that was like one time Larry,
               everybody does that in the
               Phillipines, we poor country Larry.
               We have to do what we can to

               Oh for real, so you's a hoe just
               one time?

               Larry don' listen to him. He lies.

               Well, that was a curveball I don't
               think any of us were ready for.
               Eddie, continue.

               So yeah man, I was a dumb boot on
               my first pump. I was just tryin to
               get my muthafuckin dick wet at the
               clubs you feel me?
               So I come up on her, and she was
               lookin good back then, she wasn't
               all beat up like she is now, and
               she was fuckin every dude that
               walked back from the ATM.

               Trina? Is this true?

               Not true Larry, once Eddie told me
               he would marry me, I stopped

               BITCH YOU CANT DANCE! You dance
               like a drunk baby giraffe, please!

               Eddie, let her finish.

               Larry he took me out ebery night
               for two months. So I stopped
               dancing and sang Karaoke by the
               juice truck instead.

               Eddie is this true?

               Yeah man, I took her out like 5
               times, max, Just so I could hit it
               on the reg. Beat it up too.


               Ok, if you only want to beat it,
               then why you buy me presents?

               Man i didn't buy you shit.

               Oh really? What about this apple
               iPad? You remember this?

     Trina flashes an apple iPad.


               What about this ring Eddie? You
               remember cuddle with me every
               night? You remember tell me you
               love me? You remember you say you
               going to go UA? Huh Eddie?

     The crowd goes wild!


               Ok, so I fell for a hoe Larry!
               Every boot catches feelings every
               now and then! Come on man! Ya'll
               act like ya'll ain't neva caught
               feelins' fa nobody man.

               Wow, yet another twist in the saga
               of Eddie and Trina! This is
               unfolding into a wild love story.
               We'll be right back after a quick
               commercial break.

     Commercial Break.


                          LARRY (CONT’D)
               And we're back. As we learned
               before the break, Trina was
               actually a prostitute in the
               Phillipines, when Eddie, a US Navy
               sailor on deployment, fell in love
               with Trina, and potentially
               impregnated her. So Eddie, if baby
               Chate is in fact your son, are you
               willing to step up and be father to
               the child.

               Well i dont even know why we talkin
               bout this Larry cuz that int my
               uthafuckin kid, by if that IS my
               kid, which, it aint, because-

               That IS your kid Eddie! He look
               just like you! He like video games,
               fidget spinners and Ed Sheeran,
               he's your son Eddie. You owe me
               thousands in child support too, I
               want my money Eddie.

               -AHA! see, hoes always be askin fa
               money. YOU A HOE! My boys busted up
               in you! But, like I was sayin
               before the HOE interrupted me, IF
               it IS my muthafuckin kid, which it
               aint, then yeah man, I mean, I'mma
               do what I gotta do. Yeah man.

               Ok, well let's get a picture of
               that beautiful boy on the screen,
               and maybe make a better assessment.

     The picture of a 10 year old boy that looks like a half
     Phillipino version of Eddie as a child goes up on the screen
     and Eddie takes a moment to entertain the thought of Chate
     being his son. It finally hits him, and he becomes ecstatic
     at the thought of bein a father.

               Oh hell na. For real? Na. But,
               damn. That's my muthafuckin kid
               Larry. Ohhh shit. That's my
               muthafuckin kid! Larry! Trina, damn
               girl, see I told you girl You was,
               shiiit. Thats my boy! We a family
               now girl! We a family! Its just you
               and me girl!

               Well congratulations Eddie, im glad
               you enjoy the idea. And do you have
               the financial means to father a 10
               year old child?

               Well, it's funny you say that
               larry, cuz lately man, times been
               tough, Im been goin through some
               hard times Larry. As you know, the
               Economny aint been to good and

               Do you have a job Eddie?

               Well, yeah, I mean, nah, but like I
               been makin youtube videos and they
               startin to get big Larry, like
               2,500 views, I'm bout to monetize
               that shit. Get some youtube ads in
               there you feel me?

               So, do you have an employer?

               Well, I'm my own boss Larry. But, I
               mean, I been collectin unemployment
               fa just a couple, like 1, na, bout
               2 years now. So, you know, I mean,
               that's why we got family. You know,
               sometimes you gotta lean on yo
               family when times is tough. Right

     Trina is unamused and confused. The audience is booing the
     hell out of them.

               Well, lets find out for once and
               all, who's the father of baby
               Chate. The results are in! Eddie,
               when it comes to babe Chate Pangao,
               you ARE the father!

     Eddie jumps up and dances all over the stage with joy. Trina
     shakes her head. Eddie hugs Trina, she pushes him away. Trina
     expresses discontent.

               Larry, are these tests even
               accurate? I don't know if I believe
               this. Maybe we should do another
               test to be sure.

     Trina storms off stage.

               Na, we good, we don't need to waste
               money on that shit girl. Plus, I
               gotta move out a public housing
               next week. So we gotta get this
               shit goin girl.

               Ladies and gentlemen this has been
               a show full of surprises, tune in
               next week when we'll have a former
               Marine Colonel accuse the Marine
               Corps' first transgender drill
               instructor, of sexual assault. More
               on that story next week. Thank you
               for watching, and good night.

     Eddie keeps hugging Larry and shouting out to the crowd.


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