Larry Povich: You are NOT the Father
INT. STUDIO FLOOR - DAY
We fade into M.O.S clips of Trina, Eddie and Larry speaking
in various ranges of emotion. We hear Larry's voice over the
clips describing today's episode.
The results are in!
On today's show we'll meet Trina, a
former dancer and bar girl from the
Philipines who met a US Navy sailor
who on his deployment to the
Philippines met a young bar girl...
who he supposedly knocked up. After
more than a decade of raising the
child by herself, she will confront
the father, for the very first
We push in to LARRY M, Mid 50's, Any Ethnicity sitting on a
chair wearing slacks and a polo.
Hello Ladies and Gentlemen, and
welcome to todays show.
We hear applause and excitement from the audience.
Our first guest is the mother of a
beautiful 10 year old boy. Please
help me welcome Trina out to the
TRINA F, Mid 30's, Philippina dressed with upscale attire.
The audience claps as she makes her way over to the couch,
Larry and her shake hands.
Welcome to the show Trina, nice to
Thank you Larry.
Now I want everyone to look at
Trina's lovely son Chate.
The camera turns to the monitor were we see CHATE M, 10,
Looks like Donny if he was 10 and half Philippine.
Now that beautiful child is in the
middle of a bitter paternity
The audience reacts.
Because Trina's ex-boyfriend Eddie
is completely denying that he's the
father. Over the course of 3 months
Trina and Eddie had sex over 60
times, and most of them without
(Turns to face her)
So Trina, tell us how you met
Audience reacts and boo's.
Yeah Larry, I met Eddie at the club
were I was working. We talk for all
night and I really like him, and I
thought he like me. So we dated for
Wow, that's a long time for a
I know, they were stationed there
for a long time. After a month he
said he wanted to marry me, Larry.
Wow, and did you accept?
Of course. I was poor and I thought
I meet the American man of my
Wow, so he dated you, had sex with
you, then asked you to marry him.
And then what?
Then he stop talking to me. Delete
me from facebook, no email,
Audience reacts with "AWW"
Now lets see what Eddie has to say
Larry points to the monitor and its a pre recorded video clip
of EDDIE M, Late 30's, Any Ethnicity wearing generic clothes
you only find at wallmart. He's talking to the camera acting
Hey Larry! Trina's a hoe! That
ain't my muthafuckin baby. Trina
always be lyin, she banged two of
my boys in Subic Bay. She not only
let em hit it raw, she let bust up
in er'. That's just nasty! This
baby's probably got ten different
daddy's, and I ain't one of em. I
only said I'll marry her so I can
put it in her butt...
and I did!
We can hear the Audience booing in the background. Trina gets
upset and shakes her head in disgust.
Not true Larry, not true!
Eddie back on the monitor.
When this test show's how big of a
liar you are I want you on the next
boat back to the Phillipines, and I
never wanna see you again!
The camera comes back on Larry.
Ladies and gentlemen, Please help
me welcome Eddie to the stage.
Eddie walks down and gets boo'd by the audience, he eggs the
audience on. He disses Trina, gives Larry a hug, then sits.
Oh, I'm a hoe huh? You weren't
saying that after you'd beg me to
let you eat my asshole huh?
Bitch please, that was one time
girl! Come on! Everybody do that.
So Eddie, tell us your side of the
First off Larry, dat bitch is lyin
through her loose asshole. Okay,
she's a HOE Larry. Lemme spell that
for ya'll. H, O, E! HOE! As in
like, she fucks dudes for cash. Did
she tell you that Larry?
Trina, is this true?
LIE AGAIN HOE! LIE, GO AHEAD!
Well, that was like one time Larry,
everybody does that in the
Phillipines, we poor country Larry.
We have to do what we can to
Oh for real, so you's a hoe just
Larry don' listen to him. He lies.
Well, that was a curveball I don't
think any of us were ready for.
So yeah man, I was a dumb boot on
my first pump. I was just tryin to
get my muthafuckin dick wet at the
clubs you feel me?
So I come up on her, and she was
lookin good back then, she wasn't
all beat up like she is now, and
she was fuckin every dude that
walked back from the ATM.
Trina? Is this true?
Not true Larry, once Eddie told me
he would marry me, I stopped
BITCH YOU CANT DANCE! You dance
like a drunk baby giraffe, please!
Eddie, let her finish.
Larry he took me out ebery night
for two months. So I stopped
dancing and sang Karaoke by the
juice truck instead.
Eddie is this true?
Yeah man, I took her out like 5
times, max, Just so I could hit it
on the reg. Beat it up too.
Ok, if you only want to beat it,
then why you buy me presents?
Man i didn't buy you shit.
Oh really? What about this apple
iPad? You remember this?
Trina flashes an apple iPad.
What about this ring Eddie? You
remember cuddle with me every
night? You remember tell me you
love me? You remember you say you
going to go UA? Huh Eddie?
The crowd goes wild!
Ok, so I fell for a hoe Larry!
Every boot catches feelings every
now and then! Come on man! Ya'll
act like ya'll ain't neva caught
feelins' fa nobody man.
Wow, yet another twist in the saga
of Eddie and Trina! This is
unfolding into a wild love story.
We'll be right back after a quick
INT. STUDIO FLOOR - DAY
And we're back. As we learned
before the break, Trina was
actually a prostitute in the
Phillipines, when Eddie, a US Navy
sailor on deployment, fell in love
with Trina, and potentially
impregnated her. So Eddie, if baby
Chate is in fact your son, are you
willing to step up and be father to
Well i dont even know why we talkin
bout this Larry cuz that int my
uthafuckin kid, by if that IS my
kid, which, it aint, because-
That IS your kid Eddie! He look
just like you! He like video games,
fidget spinners and Ed Sheeran,
he's your son Eddie. You owe me
thousands in child support too, I
want my money Eddie.
-AHA! see, hoes always be askin fa
money. YOU A HOE! My boys busted up
in you! But, like I was sayin
before the HOE interrupted me, IF
it IS my muthafuckin kid, which it
aint, then yeah man, I mean, I'mma
do what I gotta do. Yeah man.
Ok, well let's get a picture of
that beautiful boy on the screen,
and maybe make a better assessment.
The picture of a 10 year old boy that looks like a half
Phillipino version of Eddie as a child goes up on the screen
and Eddie takes a moment to entertain the thought of Chate
being his son. It finally hits him, and he becomes ecstatic
at the thought of bein a father.
Oh hell na. For real? Na. But,
damn. That's my muthafuckin kid
Larry. Ohhh shit. That's my
muthafuckin kid! Larry! Trina, damn
girl, see I told you girl You was,
shiiit. Thats my boy! We a family
now girl! We a family! Its just you
and me girl!
Well congratulations Eddie, im glad
you enjoy the idea. And do you have
the financial means to father a 10
year old child?
Well, it's funny you say that
larry, cuz lately man, times been
tough, Im been goin through some
hard times Larry. As you know, the
Economny aint been to good and
Do you have a job Eddie?
Well, yeah, I mean, nah, but like I
been makin youtube videos and they
startin to get big Larry, like
2,500 views, I'm bout to monetize
that shit. Get some youtube ads in
there you feel me?
So, do you have an employer?
Well, I'm my own boss Larry. But, I
mean, I been collectin unemployment
fa just a couple, like 1, na, bout
2 years now. So, you know, I mean,
that's why we got family. You know,
sometimes you gotta lean on yo
family when times is tough. Right
Trina is unamused and confused. The audience is booing the
hell out of them.
Well, lets find out for once and
all, who's the father of baby
Chate. The results are in! Eddie,
when it comes to babe Chate Pangao,
you ARE the father!
Eddie jumps up and dances all over the stage with joy. Trina
shakes her head. Eddie hugs Trina, she pushes him away. Trina
Larry, are these tests even
accurate? I don't know if I believe
this. Maybe we should do another
test to be sure.
Trina storms off stage.
Na, we good, we don't need to waste
money on that shit girl. Plus, I
gotta move out a public housing
next week. So we gotta get this
shit goin girl.
Ladies and gentlemen this has been
a show full of surprises, tune in
next week when we'll have a former
Marine Colonel accuse the Marine
Corps' first transgender drill
instructor, of sexual assault. More
on that story next week. Thank you
for watching, and good night.
Eddie keeps hugging Larry and shouting out to the crowd.