Barracks Shrink

Barracks Shrink


     INT. BARRACKS ROOM - DAY

     CPL JOHNSON, young female Marine, sits at her desk with her
     headphones on, typing at her computer. LCPL RIVERA, male
     Marine, walks in and sits down on the bed next to the desk.

                          RIVERA
               Johnson we need to talk.

     She doesn't hear him, but sees him, and hides her annoyance,
     then pulls a hea  d phone out of her ear and turns to him.

                          JOHNSON
               Hey, what's up?

     Rivera is a wreck, not able to hold back his emotions, as
     Johnson is reserved, taking notes periodically.

                          RIVERA
               We need to talk.

                          JOHNSON
               About what?

                          RIVERA
               I dunno, everything. For starters,
               how about my wife is being fuckin
               stupid as fuck.

                          JOHNSON
                    (uninterested)
               That sucks dude.

                          RIVERA
               Yeah, I know RIGHT?

     Johnson is trying to subtly communicate that she's not
     interested in the conversation, Rivera doesn't notice.

                          RIVERA (CONT’D)
               She's not supportive, she's
               selfish, and she has no respect for
               me. I'm starting to wonder if I
               should just cut my losses and move
               on, ya know what i mean?

                          JOHNSON
               Yeah man, just cut your losses I
               guess...

                          RIVERA
               Yes, see! I knew it! I'm getting a
               divorce, thanks Johnson.   I've
               been feelin the divorce for a while
               now, probably ever since that
               swingers party when she fucked my
               buddy, and I fucked her friend.
               But, whatever, I'm over it.
               My next wife needs to be cool as
               fuck. Like, well, kinda like you.
               Super chill, cool to be around, can
               be one of the guys, but still super
               hot. You feel me?

     Rivera looks at Johnson creepily.

                          JOHNSON
               Umm, not really.

                          RIVERA
               What? Comon Johnson, we'd have a
               blast together, you know it.

                          JOHNSON
               I, well, not really, I'm pretty
               sure this is getting weird dude.

                          RIVERA
               Whatever Johnson, you're actin like
               a fuckin boot right now.

     Johnson is confused, Rivera is annoyed. He stands up and
     walks out.

                          RIVERA (CONT’D)
               Fuckin wook.

     Johnson looks up in anguish, annoyed at the world.

                          JOHNSON
               Why Marine Corps? Why, must you
               have such douchebags.

     She puts her headphones in and goes back to work.

     CPL KELLY, male, wearing chucks with 2 ribbons, enters and
     sits down on her bed.

                          KELLY
               Johnson?

     She dreads the thought of dealing with another D-bag, then
     removes a headphone and turns to him.

                          JOHNSON
               Sup?

                          KELLY
               Ok, so my fiance is being really
               stubborn and I don't know how much
               longer I can handle it.

                          JOHNSON
               Sucks man.

                          KELLY
               I know RIGHT!  It's like we can't
               agree on anything, and to top it
               off, her family is being stupid as
               fuck. Like, I don't know if this is
               the right thing anymore ya know?

                          JOHNSON
               I dunno man, maybe you should talk
               it out. Like, adults.

                          KELLY
               Yeah, right, right. I want to talk
               it out, but if she doesn't listen,
               then what's the point? Ya know? I'm
               havin second thoughts Johnson. I
               need your advice.

                          JOHNSON
               Well, you should for SURE stay with
               her. I mean, don't even think about
               breaking up, that's defnitely the
               wrong move.

                          KELLY
               Really? Fuck, you know what? I
               think you're right Johnson. Like,
               why am I even thinking about ending
               my engagement right now? Ugh, I'm
               so stupid. See this is why i come
               talk to you, you always have the
               right words.

                          JOHNSON
               No big dude, just .....

                          KELLY
               I wish my fiance could be more like
               you. You're like, the perfect girl.
               You're super hot, smart, like drop
               dead gorgeous, gentle, have a great
               body, like, straight smoke show,
               dime piece for days, big but-

                          JOHNSON
               Ok, I get it dude.

                          KELLY
               Shit if I had a mulligan I would
               have totes picked you, as crazy as
               that might sound.

     Kelly really stares hard at Johnson to survey her body
     language. Johnson's body quickly goes limp.

                          JOHNSON
               Yeah that does sound pretty crazy.
               You know I think your fiance is
               waiting for that convo bro, later.

                          KELLY
               Wait what? Did you hear anything I
               just said?

                          JOHNSON
               Yeah I heard your hail mary - nice
               try....

                          KELLY
               Nice try? Fuck you Johnson, you'd a
               been lucky to have this. And you're
               not even that hot.

     He walks away.

                          KELLY (CONT’D)
               Fuckin wook.

     He comes back to get his cover. He grabs it, gives her an
     uncertain look, then walks out. She rolls her eyes. Then
     expresses extreme frustration.

     Michael pokes his head in, she sees him and tilts her head
     back with joy and breathes a sigh of relief, then invites him
     in. He sits down and she unloads on him.

                          MICHAEL
               Hey bud, what's goin on?

                          JOHNSON
               OMG, I've been dealing with fuckin
               douchebags all day!

                          MICHAEL
               Oh no, shittyyy. These fuckin
               Marines right?

                          JOHNSON
               I knowwww. Seriously the worst.
               They're stressin me out. I swear,
               the word fuckboy should just be
               synonymous with the word marine.

                          MICHAEL
               Tell me about it, I live with em!

     They both laugh.

                          JOHNSON
               Yeah no shit!

                          MICHAEL
               You look tense dude, you want to
               cash in on one of my massages a
               little early this week??

                          JOHNSON
               Umm, yeah, I think I have to.

     Michael changes his step and approaches Johnson.

                          JOHNSON (CONT’D)
               Have at it broseph.

     Michael gets behind her and massages her shoulders. She rolls
     her eyes back and and tilts her head back in ecstasy.

                          JOHNSON (CONT’D)
               Omg, you're seriously the best. I
               can't believe how good this feels.

                          MICHAEL
               What are friends for?

                          JOHNSON
               For real. Uhhh, ohhh god.

     Michael gets creepier as he massages.

                          JOHNSON (CONT’D)
               I'm just sick of these fuckin dudes
               man. They talk shit on chicks, but
               then they come in here whining like
               little bitches. And of course
               they're all hitting on me while
               they're telling me about their
               shitty girlfriends. I'm starting to
               think you're the only guy I can
               trust Mich-

     Michael kisses her on the cheek. Johnson opens her eyes and
     flinches away.

                          JOHNSON (CONT’D)
               What the fuck?

                          MICHAEL
               OH god dammit, why couldnt you just
               fuckin go with it.

                          JOHNSON
               What the fuck are you talking
               about?

                          MICHAEL
               Look, you're going to have to give
               it up sooner or later to someone,
               and that someone better be me since
               I've already put in the work.

                          JOHNSON
               Work?  That's what all this is to
               you, work?

                          MICHAEL
               Work, time, call it what you want,
               I wasn't doing this for my
               health... I PCS in 3 weeks.  You
               think I give a shit about our
               friendship. I am trying to get mine
               before I bounce.

                          JOHNSON
               OH MY GOD GET OUT! I CAN"T STAND
               YOU! UGHHHH!

                          MICHAEL
               And I can't stand another night in
               with Ryan Gosling.

     Michael snaps a dvd in front of Johnson and tosses it on her
     lap. Michael leaves pissed off. Johnson throws something at
     the door, then hangs her head in defeat. She hears a knock at
     the door, it's Captain Berry.

                          JOHNSON
               Sir, um, what's goin on?

                          BERRY
               At ease Johnson, I just had some
               things I wanted to run by you.

                          JOHNSON
               Uh, yeah, sure.

                          BERRY
               Mind if I sit here?

     He sits down on the bed.

                          JOHNSON
               Um, ok.

                          BERRY
               So the BC thinks I'm a piece of
               shit for getting sharpshooter, I
               told him it was because my husband
               doesn't respect me anymore. But
               there are so many other things
               going on in my life right now that
               he doesn't know about. It's getting
               impossible to balance both work and
               family, I don't know if I can do it
               anymore...

     While Berry is ranting, Johnson texts another Female Marine,
     "these guys are such fucking bitches I can't take it anymore.
     Are we still on for date night?" The responding text is, "Of
     course babe, I love you."

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