Afghan Sex Hotline

Afghan Sex Hotline


     INT. COMMERCIAL SET #1

     ABDUL, 30's creepy Afghan man wearing women's sandals
     backward and a dirty man-dress with blood on the crotch, lies
     seductively on a pile of hay while talking to someone on a
     cheap cellphone. Shitty, slow, sexual Persian music is
     playing in the background.

     Camera slowly pans from his feet to his face.  The announcer
     has a deep middle eastern man's voice.

                          ANNOUNCER (O.S.)
               Are you alone? Are you horny? Do
               you want to touch yourself but
               can't due to religious beliefs? Are
               you Muslim?

                          ABDUL
               I know men.

     We see a new angle of Abdul.

                          ABDUL (CONT’D)
               I know what a man wants.

     We see a new angle of Abdul.

                          ABDUL (CONT’D)
               I know your desires.

     We see a new angle of Abdul.

                          ANNOUNCER (O.S.)
                    (whispers)
               Desires...

     We see a new angle of Abdul.

                          ABDUL
               I know your secrets.

                          ANNOUNCER (O.S.)
                    (wispers)
               Secrets...

                          ABDUL
               I know your intermost fantasies...

                          ANNOUNCER (O.S.)
                    (whispers)
               Intermost

                          ABDUL
               I know you want to call me. Just do
               it, call me now and let me make you
               feel like a real radical jihadist.

     He twirls his beard and the antenna of his cheap cell phone.

     Sketch #2


     INT - COMMERCIAL SET #2

     The announcer has a seductive middle-eastern female voice.
     SAHABA, fully covered Islamic woman in a hijab, stands in
     front of the camera dancing seductively.

                          ANNOUNCER (O.S.)
               She's strong, sexy, and fully
               clothed...for now.

     Sahaba looks like she's about to take off her veil. Then says
     no with her index finger.

                          ANNOUNCER (O.S.) (CONT’D)
               Hott...

     Graphic of the word Hott flashes on the screen. Camera pans
     in slowly to Sahaba who is pouring water on a few hot rocks,
     steaming up the room.

                          ANNOUNCER (O.S.) (CONT’D)
               Hott...

     Graphic of the word Hott flashes on the screen. Sahaba shows
     some wrist as she pours more water on the rocks.

                          ANNOUNCER (O.S.) (CONT’D)
               Hott...

     Graphic of the word Hott flashes on the screen. Sahaba shows
     a leg, it's a hairy mans leg. Then she pours more water down,
     the hot water splashes up and burns her.

                          ANNOUNCER (O.S.) (CONT’D)
               Ho...

                          SAHABA
               Fuck, shit, fuck! Oh my, help me it
               burns!! Somebody please help me!

     Camera pans to TWO CREW MEMBERS, standing with clip boards
     unwilling to help her. Camera returns to Sahaba (muted)
     jumping up and down frantically. A number comes onto the
     screen 020-593-HOTT.

                          ANNOUNCER (O.S.)
               020-593-HOTT call now to burn an
               Independent thinking woman today!
               020-593-HOTT.

                          SAHABA
               Fuuuuck!

                          ANNOUNCER (O.S.)
               You will be charged as long as
               she's breathing, $5.99 a minute
               standard rates apply.


     INT. COMMERCIAL SET #3

     Arabic soulful music plays in the background as the camera
     pans to Abdul again, who is kneeling on a couch while
     thrusting slowly.

                          ANNOUNCER (O.S.)
                    (whispers)
               GO....

     A puff of smoke billows in Abdul's direction.

                          ABDUL
               I see you in there and I see that
               you aren't calling.

                          ANNOUNCER (O.S.)
                    (whispers)
               GO...

     Abdul sits up and looks directly at the camera.

                          ABDUL
               I'm not going anywhere.

                          ANNOUNCER (O.S.)
                    (whispers)
               GO...

                          ABDUL
               I may be busy right now but when
               you call you'll get our full
               attention.

     Camera pans to reveal Abdul lovingly fucking a goat.

     ON SCREEN:

                          ANNOUNCER (O.S.)
                    (whispers)
               020-593-GO..AT.

                          ABDUL
               Call before he's all dried up!


     INT. COMMERICAL SET #4

     Arabic music plays in the background. Sahaba dances in front
     of the screen in a full hijab.

                          ANNOUNCER (O.S.)
               If you still haven't called, we
               know you will now.

                          SAHABA
                    (looks burnt)
               I have what you need.

                          ANNOUNCER (O.S.)
                    (whispers)
               She as what you need.

                          SAHABA
               I can make your wildest fantasies
               come true.

                          ANNOUNCER (O.S.)
                    (whispers)
               She makes them come true.

     Sahaba lifts her dress to reveal AAMIR, Middle eastern child
     dressed in flowing garbs, who starts dancing with her. He
     grabs a tea cup and starts pouring while dancing. He picks up
     the phone after a few seconds.

                          SAHABA
               I'll leave you two here to chat
               about anything you want...

                          AAMIR
               Call me now!

     ON SCREEN: 020-593-CHAI

                          ANNOUNCER (O.S.)
               Adults only, must be 18 and over to
               CHAI.

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